So good

to be back home, but I can’t wait to leave. I’m torn between staying at home and relaxing and vegging out(which also means working on regular life shit), or go on my summer vacation that has been cluster fucked by all kinds of shit.

It’s strange, just spent a week in Toronto, technically “work” but definitely along the lines of work. It was more of like a Work-cation. A working vacation, which makes me crave a real vacation. The kind without an itinerary, or a schedule, where all I have to worry about is food. The way a vacation is supposed to be. You start putting time frames and bull shit into it, it’s no longer relaxing, you now have constraints on a time that was supposed to be constraint free. It’s supposed to be your time to waste or use. I guess all time in a vacation is wasted or used, depends on whether you’re the half empty or half full type.

So, just got back from a “vacation” and I already feel ready for another one. Strangely enough, Marcus and I were talking and we wanted to take our real vacation in Toronto. Maybe we just spent too much time partying and didn’t have enough time to sit around and do nothing……  I don’t know, in all honesty, what I want confuses the fuck out of me sometimes. I know what I want, I just don’t understand my own gut desires for things. I’m usually a pretty methodical and planned person who likes to know the answers and explanations for things….. Soooooooo, yeah, that’s right, I just said that I confuse myself sometimes.

It’s one of two things, I’m either a really big fucking idiot OR hopefully I just ask all the right questions that no one has the answers to. In all honesty, I’m rambling my ass off right now, but it’s true. Just finished a vacation, and I can’t shake the feeling and desire for another one, well, another week in Toronto. To party and relax for recreational purposes and not work purposes.

Wow, that sounded really spoiled. I don’t want to go to the parties that you tell me to! I want to go to my parties! WHAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Big babies…… I’m telling you, fantasize about dating a porn star, but don’t do it. We all have the mental capacity of a moose with down syndrome, and the only things we know how to cook are protein shakes…… and that’s only because we can barely figure out how to turn on the water at the faucet.

I’m surprised no one has noticed the marionette strings in my scenes. That’s right, it’s not actually me moving myself, we’ve got a guy sitting up in the attic pulling strings when we do my scenes. It’s complicated, but so worth it.

Got a new scene coming out soon! Can’t wait to write about it, and get motivated again to actually write a blog post that isn’t me rambling my ass off cracked out on coffee in a cynical/sarcastic mood 😀 Hmmmm, maybe eating will help. Gotta find me some virgins and small children.

Well, I’m off to devour souls!

Love you all! Keep an open heart and an open mind!!!


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6 Responses to So good

  1. AJ says:

    Oh sammy
    i love it when you go on your rambling rants…it’s always so much fun to read. sometimes i feel like it is so similar to my own head that when i read it, i get that feeling like i’m watching myself on tv…
    can’t wait to see your new work…you teased, and now i’m dying to check it out.
    take care……..keep it up 😉

  2. Scott says:

    Hi Sammy, getting ready go on vacation with friends, they have this thing planned out from 8:00 am to 12:00 pm everyday. I told them we are on vacation, not working. Let just do what we want when we want, and we will try get everything in. If we get their schedule I will be like you and want another when I get back. Can not wait for new scene and live show this week, your are the best. Hope you have a great week.

  3. frankie says:

    It’s good to let all the stuff out…Hope it helps to share with your fans…it will come to you when you least expect it and then you’ll say: now i get it….

  4. asianboy says:

    yeah,i fantasized dating you.haha

  5. omni says:

    the mystery to life …is still trying to finded the meaning to life.,a never ending cycle of question and unanswered question,simple because we just don’t know !!!……so what the hell, if life gives u chill-ax moment take it ,,,,because life sometime is really fuck up..either with wealth are poverty……… your line ,quote” Gotta find me some virgins and small children.e ‘…… are crazy funny (great sense of humor)……………to the world!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Al says:

    Sammy, you’re a natural blogger! Definitely keep it up (i know, i know–a little ironic to say this to a pornstar..); you’re fun to read. keep being your positive self.

    It’s great you don’t take yourself seriously all the time, your blog reflects that: mostly a fun, spontaneous pouring out of what you carry in your head at the moment you write it.

    Having said that, you’ve sprinkled some deep thoughts throughout your writings and it’s interesting reading your reflections of the all around experiences of what you do and what you see in your life. so yeah.. keep it up!

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