Ready for the answer?

Are you really bi? Or is it a kind of gay for pay arrangement, for instance, have you ever had a boyfriend? – anonymous

On twitter, my cam shows, even in person, this is probably the most commonly asked question I am asked.

So lets get started.

“Are you really bi? Or is it a gay for pay arrangement?” Lets start off with this part of the question first, it’s really the only legitimate portion of the question. Once we’re done with this part of the question I’m going to tear into the whole boyfriend thing and rant for a bit.

Yes, I am really bi. I enjoy men and women sexually. I have sex with men, on and off camera, and I have sex with women, on and off camera. Do I have a preference? Not really, don’t be a jackass/cunt, be intelligent, have good hygiene. Really only 3 requirements, whether I fuck you or not is going to be based on my mood, and the other little things that make you that more attractive. I think when it comes down to the nitty gritty details of who you are and aren’t willing to fuck everyone varies, but we have those core requirements. I’ve got some girlfriends that only fuck black dudes, which I think is hilarious because they think that white dudes have little dicks and all black dudes have humongous cocks. If only they’d seen as much cock as me, they’d know that’s not really true 😀

I’ve got friends that are guys that will fuck anything that walks, literally, and then I’ve got friends that only fuck black guys, only fuck tall blonde guys, only fuck blonde girls, only fuck cheerleaders. Some people are super picky and prudish, some just like to fuck.

“Are you straight?” You won’t catch me saying that I’m straight. I’m not gay, but I’m definitely not straight.

Now, I’m not really down with the whole gay for pay thing either. I think it’s retarded that some guys do it, more because I know they’re pretty much lying to themselves. Yeah, you suck dick and get fucked in the ass, you’re totally straight. “I do it for the money”. A mechanic works on a car for the money, he doesn’t have to enjoy it, it still makes him a mechanic. If you do porn steady, and say  you’re gay for pay, you’re at least a little bit bi, if not a closet case. Don’t mean to kick some of my homies in the balls there, but it’s how I see it. Not trying to force you guys into a box or change the way you think! Just my POV.

I’d have to say my favorite is the guys that won’t kiss or suck because “that’s gay”. Ummmmm, you either have another mans cock in your ass, or your cock is in another mans ass. I think you already crossed the “that’s gay” line.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering. I’ve definitely kicked someone in the balls for using “that’s gay” as a simile for “that sucks” “that’s shitty” and “anything describing something not good”.

Now for the rant!

“Or is it a kind of gay for pay arrangement, for instance, have you ever had a boyfriend?”

Are you fucking kidding me?! Since when did a relationship confirm whether you’re gay or straight?! What about the guys that marry women to hide the fact that they’re gay? They  know in their hearts and in the deepest, darkest, recesses of their souls that they’re gay, yet they can’t come out and be who they want or need to be because it’s not completely socially acceptable, so he married a woman and had a family because it was politically correct and socially acceptable, and his church and family would only accept that as an option for his life! What about those people?! Based on your requirements they’re not gay because they’re stuck in some backwards ass life that holds no other possibilities for them.

Yeah, I also had awesome parents to show me how amazing relationships are and how you should put so much effort into them.

My problem isn’t with relationships with men, that’s not why I don’t date guys, I just don’t date!

I have been single for FOUR YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no intention of being in a relationship!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Relationships take up so much time and require so much emotional investment, I don’t want it. I like my carefree super bachelor lifestyle! I get to do what I want, when I want, and who I want! I’m not willing to change that. I do porn! I don’t want some extra strings attached!

Not that many people are willing to date a porn star. Sure it’d be cool for the first week, and then it’s time for them to work. You want them to lie to you all the time when they’re going to go do some scenes? How long until you’re sub conscious eats you alive with thoughts like “Third time he/she has gone to do laundry this week, and they’re gone all day. You know they’re getting the train run on them and having sex with other people. They’re probably better fucks than you are.”

Nobody needs that kind of self degrading crap in their mind, and shit like that is born from jealousy and a human beings natural tendency to bring themselves down. You are your own worst critic and, in some cases, worst friend.

Now, lets recap.

I am bisexual, not straight, not gay.

I am not gay 4 pay.

I am not in a relationship with a man or woman, nor do I have any intentions of being in a relationship with a man or a woman. The last relationship I was in was 4 years ago(19), prior to me being sexually active with men(22), and it was a horrible relationship!

Saying that you have to bottom to be gay or that you have to date guys or be willing to date guys to be gay is just as close minded as the people telling gay men and women that they can’t marry each other because the bible says so.

You have the anti-gay marriage people trying to tell the pro-gay marriage what the institution of marriage is. Who are they to decide? Just because they’re married and you’re not they know more about love or what it means to be married or what makes a good spouse?

There are close minded jackasses of ANY and EVERY sexual preference, regardless of SEX, RACE, ETHNICITY, RELIGION, POLITICAL AFFILIATION.

Don’t Be It! Keep an open mind! For all you know, someone may have the mindset you’ve been searching for this whole time. It really is about equality, for EVERYONE! Not just you.

Anyways, I’m sure I’m pissing off a good handful of people, but if I’m not irritating you just a bit, I’m not giving you any food for thought. For humans to truly co-exist there needs to be understanding and acceptance. You know, walk a mile in another persons shoes(or however that goes), that whole deal.

So do me a favor, open your mind. I promise you won’t regret it.

Sammy

P.S. If you think I’m full of shit, educate yourself on sexual preference and sexual orientation.

The Pointmeister’s blog and thoughts on sexual preferences – http://pointmeister.blogspot.com/2009/09/sexual-preferences.html

Wikipedia – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_orientation

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33 Responses to Ready for the answer?

  1. meyer2929 says:

    Good point finally putting a nail in the coffin.yes There may be a few Gay for pay people out there. I have to believe that esp since I believe that here are gay, straight, bi or whatever out there.Bottom line we are people who should be allowed to share the joy of each other in what ever way we want without the labels that we feel we have to put others in for our own selfish reasons. I have to say I truly enjoy your movie and that is why I have cont to be a member. I believe that you are not gay for pay, cause you are involved in most of your movies and I watch how you kiss .There is no difference you seem to enjoy it and are apart of it no matter who you are with. As Cher said it’s in the Kiss.its in the Kiss. Thanks for the rant and I hope this will settle this for you cause it never crossed my mind to ask you. cause I am enjoying my life as I hope you are doing the same. The only thing that does is what he is going to do next and Thanks for your movies and sharing this part of your life with us.

  2. Whoa! says:

    Whoa, I don’t think so. Firstly when yous say:

    “Are you fucking kidding me?! Since when did a relationship confirm whether you’re gay or straight?! What about the guys that marry women to hide the fact that they’re gay?”

    The guys that marry women to hide the fact they are gay do it to, surprisingly enough, hide the fact they are gay. So why wouldn’t a guy who was in a relationship with a guy be a good indicator that he wasn’t straight? He isn’t hiding from predudice by going out with a guy, so why else would he other than romantic feelings? Besides, I didn’t say it would confirm anything, it was just a question from a FAN. The question clearly wasn’t offensive so maybe stop being so rude.

    • I apologize if you felt the rudeness was directed towards you, it’s just that you weren’t the only one to ask me that question that week much less that day lol and not everyone was quite so polite as you were. You do bring up a valid point, and I’m glad you did so. What better way for me to practice what I preach, then to look at the POV of someone disagreeing with me, or not necessarily sharing the same view ;D You asked a lively question, and I think you got more of an answer than you were looking for lol My bad!

  3. Phoenix Monroe says:

    You didn’t piss me off or irritate me at all, because I agree completely. A person is not defined by who they date or fuck, but by their heart. No reason to label or explain yourself to anyone, you are a sexual man and enjoy sex. Doesn’t matter if its with a man or a woman, its with whoever you find attractive and its completely you’re business. As for having a relationship, again its you’re business and people shouldn’t be badgering you about why you don’t want to date. You also make a great point that doing porn, its hard to find someone who is truly ok with it. Me personal I know the difference between work and personal. To me what would matter the most is you’re heart. I wouldn’t care if my boyfriend did porn as long as his heart was only for me. You are a sweet, funny, charming, down to earth, easy going man and if anyone else says otherwise or gives you shit for any reason I’ll bust out my homo-fu on them, lol.
    xoxo
    Phoenix

  4. Josh says:

    WOW, that was amazing! Having done porn, I only disagree with one thing in your entire blog… relationships/strings/can’t accept porn. There really ARE people in the world who understand that a person can do porn as a job, have fun with it and still be able to have intimate feelings for one person. They are few and far between I will definitely grant you that. Hell, I left porn in 2002, and STILL have people who won’t date me cause I even did it in the first place. But I also know some people that realize that sexual attraction and emotion are two things that can go hand and hand but true are two separate things. You can have a long lasting relationship with someone with full emotional commitment and not be monogomous, so why should someone push on someone else their own puritanical views on “commitment”… anyway its my 2 cents. I think there are ways to have reationships without feeling you’re a puppet on a string. done.

    • I definitely agree, but I enjoy being single too much and being able to direct my efforts towards work and school. The time I would be spending in a relationship, I spend working towards a better career. I figure I can have a relationship at any time in my life, why not make sure I can provide for myself and another person before I start putting myself in that sort of position.

  5. niles says:

    Great rant, man, but don’t feel like you owe everybody an explanation for your own sexuality and desires just because you are a porn star (and a great one I might add). If you want to share, that’s fine, but please don’t be bullied by a few negative people. In my humble opinion, your obligation stops with the great images you put out there for my enjoyment and gratification, anything more is just a bonus.

  6. steve says:

    Well said, well put. As a fan and follower, I am so tired of seeing that question asked in chat or anywhere else. We are far too centred on labels and have a very difficult time seeing outside the box, so to speak. I never ask that question nor care for an answer. If you do your job well and it has the desired effect, I am happy. If you do not, then I can always look elsewhere. You do your job very well and continuously have the desired effect upon me. I understand the need for some to know, but totally agree that people should self educate before asking the question.
    Thanks Samuel, I will continue to follow.
    Canada loves you

  7. Jason says:

    I just wanted to say that this was one of the best blog posts I have read from you. Thanks for being honest and keep up the good work. I love watching your videos. 🙂

  8. swim_on_bi says:

    Sammy,
    It was so great of you to finally post an answer to this. I myself am also bi and am tired of trying to explain to people. I have defended you (mainly) and bisexual people in general over on a website (not sure if i can name it; “bi the way” feature). It can be so complicated for people, but you seem to sum it up greatly.

    Yes i like dick! Yes i like pussy! Yes on certain days i like one over the other. Why can it not be about the fun? (safe fun that is) I am young and wanna be me. As the saying goes, “young, dumb, and full of cum”!

    I am also at a point in my life where i don’t want a relationship and people question it all the time. It’s not i am “not being me” and not dating guys. I just don’t want to date anyone at this moment in my life. Relationships take alot of effort and with going to school 18 credits and working part time it is just not in the cards at the moment.

    So in conclusion, you had another great entry into your blog. I love reading your post because they are so well versed. I swear at one point in your life you must of been an English major!

    P.S. You are #1 on my top 10 Girls/Guys i wanna sleep with. Figured i would let you know! 😉
    Thanks,
    ~D

  9. Ben Lay says:

    I have to say… I never found you that attractive (incredibly cute in real life, but let’s face it theres hundreds of u in the porn world-physically/anatomically-) but after reading this post. man, you are hot! I’d never look at you the same way again… in a good way. You have principals, you have ur thinking. Well. just keep doing what you believe. Haters will believe what they wanna believe. it is what it is. I wholeheartedly agree with what you have to say about this issue.

  10. Scott says:

    Hi Sam, I love your site and your live shows. You have one of the best live shows. You are open and down to earth for us fans. Like you I am bi, I have not been in a relationship for about three years, because I was tired of feeling tied down and having spend all my feel time with one person. If I like some and want to have sex with them, I do not want them calling me everyday want to do something again. Again, like you, I like sex whether it is with a man or women or both. Humans are sexual animals and we love getting together and making love. I agree lets be open mind about things.

  11. Jack says:

    Sam, you bring a really fresh perspective, I follow your twitter and I read your blog. Your attitude is upbeat and positive. It goes a long way towards showing that people can work in your industry for a lot of different reasons, not just, you know, for the cash, or desperation or as something to be ashamed of. It’s great that you are so articulate and give a voice to a community that can be misunderstood. It’d be nice to think social conventions are changing and sex is becoming less of a freak out for people and that people in the sex industry can be more normalized and that peoples’ notions about sex & sexuality can become less rigid. Thanks for being a great example of this and giving a thoughtful voice. Don’t be afraid to shake people up. People easily shook up just need shook more often. 😉 keep up the good work soldier.

  12. Felicia says:

    I have a few comments. First of all I understand that some people can’t handle dating some one who does porn or who has done porn. For me, it wouldn’t be an issue. As long as he wasn’t doing it behind my back, I would be fine with it. I know women who think their man watching porn is cheating. Whatever!!! That makes no sense to me. You can date someone in porn and still have commitment. Everyone has a different definition of the word. Second, I laughed when I read the comment about black guys having big dicks and white guys having small dicks. lol I know for a fact that is not true. I am a black woman and I am married to a white guy and I have had black women make that small dick comment to me and I let them know that they are wrong. lol They need to check you out then they would change their minds. lol Not all black guys are big. Shhhhh don’t tell anyone. lol I don’t think I was supposed to tell anyone that. lol Anyway. I am not offended by anything you said. I totally agree with you. I wish we lived in a world where we can just be ourselves and not worry about labels and treat people with the respect they deserve. I would say more but I think I’ve said enough. lol Keep doing what you do. I think that you are awesome. 🙂 Kisses!!!

  13. Khristopher says:

    I think you will one day soon realize that a good relationship doesn’t have to make you feel like you’re not able to be yourself. I think you’ve had bad experiences, and I’d love to show you that it can be great. That you can still do your job and have someone accepting of it. 😉

  14. Digby says:

    It’s nice to hear someone embrace the bisexual term. I find it bizarre that people twist themselves in circumlocutions trying to define their sexuality. Bisexual is a simple term that pretty much explains it. Sure can you lean to one side more than the other, but that doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to both sexes.
    People do react to it in different ways. Some don’t think it exists. They see gay guys say they’re bisexual before fully coming out of the closet, so they naturally think it’s an excuse. Or they see husbands getting blowjobs on the sly while stating emphatically their straightness. It’s easy to think that it’s a myth, but it’s not.
    How do I know I’m bisexual? Well for one I can give blowjobs and cunniligus. Ask a gay guy who says he’s bi if he wants to lick pussy and watch the grimace. And another reason is I’ve fallen in love with both genders. Now, you, Samuel, said you don’t want to be in a relationship, which is understandable; it won’t make you complete. But I’m sure you’ve developed crushes on people. I’m sure you’ve felt genuine love for both genders even if you weren’t in a relationship. And that’s what I think makes a true bisexual.

  15. mjtioiuou says:

    Well, you’re certainly entitled to your opinions and comments. I would tend to agree with you on most of them. However, I wouldn’t necessarily say it’s right to resort to violence by kicking someone in the balls for saying “That’s Gay”. You have to remember that just as you are entitled to come on here and express your opinions, so are other people, even if what they’re saying is politically incorrect. I don’t necessarily like it, either, but that’s one aspect of our right to freedom of speech that seems to constantly get overlooked. With the good also comes some bad, and we really should all just agree to disagree in situations like those.

    Also, I’m sure you’ve probably been asked this before, but since I’ve never heard you answer this question I’ll ask anyway. From what you’ve posted here, you sound very open-minded, so I was wondering why it is that you haven’t bottomed in any of your videos? Is it just a personal choice thing, do you feel more comfortable topping, etc.? Again, sorry if this is a repeat question for you, but I’ve never seen you answer it before.

    Thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m a fan and hope to see you stay in the industry for at least several more years.

    • When I first started doing porn, I hadn’t bottomed before. I had only been having sexual encounters with another man for about 6 months before I started doing porn, and I was topping the whole time. When I started I was told that I shouldn’t bottom, that I have a top’s dick. So I went with that for a while. Now it’s more that I enjoy topping more than when I bottom. I don’t do anything in the bedroom that I don’t enjoy, and it’s the same for on camera. The only incentive for me to bottom is more money, and I don’t make porn for money. I make porn because I enjoy it. I don’t HAVE to go to work, I GET to go to work 😀

  16. RandyN says:

    Wow, much respect here! I have to agree with you. A few moments ago I closed your blog after reading this post and I go to google reader. The first article I read there is this. Talk about a coincidence 🙂

  17. Jen says:

    Great blog! I like your insightfulness, thanks for opening my mind.

  18. stegnawczasy says:

    I see your point, great work, can’t wait for more posts
    stegna noclegi

  19. Liam says:

    Excellent post, and more power to you. I’m a hard 6 on the Kinsey scale (I’d be a 7 if there was one), and went through a phase, back in the day, where I was convinced that “bisexual” was exclusively a way to avoid the social stigma of being gay. With time and experience, I’ve learned that labels are frequently flat out wrong, but make it less of an effort to understand people on an individual level. It’s a credit to you that you base your decisions on who turns you on (or who you love, because that too will come in time) on what you feel.

    On the g4p thing, again, I agree too. Again, I’ve come to view it as a scale, and the need for someone to label themselves g4p to me is counterintuitive for guys who are industry regulars. Don’t really care as long as there’s passion in the performance, but the guys who are regulars and just lie there like fish, won’t kiss, etc., ought to find new jobs.

    On that point, as a huge fan, can I suggest you do more making out in your scenes? Please?

    Be happy, be well.

  20. Liam says:

    PS — another wiki entry that might interest you and/or commenters:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bisexual_erasure

  21. Pingback: Samuel O’Toole Talks About His Sexuality | Gay Porn Blog, Gay Porn Stars, XXX Muscle News - Queer Porn Nation

  22. Joel Kojote says:

    Samuel, I’m so glad you said all of that. You are one of the most genuine guys in the porn biz, in my opinion. I’m happy that you took this stand for yourself in how you interpret sex and love and the gay vs. straight vs. bi world. 🙂

  23. Alex says:

    I’m pretty surprised. You have your head straight and everything, I mean most people’s first impression of any porn star is automatically negative, but you’re proving them wrong. You’re a lot different, I mean I’m sure you hear this often, I’m sure I’m no different from any of the other millions of your groupies, I’m almost positive you’ll never read this, and I’m sure this doesn’t mean a lot. But you’re pretty inspiring to a teenager whose trying to find himself. I hope you keep doing what you do and have fun in what you do bro. (:

  24. Steven says:

    Gotta admit to being impressed by you. My first impression of you was that you were in the same category as Cody Cummings, whom I don’t have a high opinion. After reading your post, you’ve gained my respect and affection, and I see you in a whole new light. Not only are you thoughtful, but intelligent, articulate, and an avid typist like myself. 🙂 I wish there were more guys like you doing porn.

    • Well thank you! I can understand you’re feelings about Cody’s content, but I think if he put his personality out there more, people might have a different perspective of him. But hey, we’ll never know until he puts himself out there ;D

      I’m glad you like my posts, I initially started my blog to do updates on my scenes, but now that I have a site, my blog has turned into something more. I feel like it’s an opportunity to reach people. I’m not sure if I have much to teach the world, but I know there’s much that I can learn from the world. I post topics to incite responses, and from these response myself and others can learn from.

      Avid typist….. maybe a little too much lol I check out the other guys posts and I feel like I drag on a bit, and ramble a lot! 😀 I guess when you type 50 wpm or more your short blurb is another’s essay 😀

      Thanks for the love Steven! ;D

  25. FRED says:

    im very proud of u and i like your behaviour, your modesty, and now i know that you are a good boy deeply inside of you, you making kinky things on videos but thats on videos
    i know that u were doing frirefighting medical studies dont know how u call it there
    im a firefighter rescuer volunteer in france and thats the behaviour we have there…..
    just wanted to say it
    keep on going my friend and if i have te chance to meet you one day will sk before touching you …..lol…..we never know
    cheers my friend and keep on going

    fred from france

  26. Leonardo Seguin says:

    Hi Sam! Great rant! I have a bit of a rant of my own, if I may. Here goes…..

    I am a hard core, stone cold, militant gay man. I have never been with a woman (thank God and never will! No offense to you Sam or any other straight/bi guys here. Ok?

    I agree with almost everything you stated and I applaud you Sam for your honesty, candor and
    sincerity. I wish more “straight/gay4pay” guys would just own up to the fact that they have an innate attraction towards other men. (Zeb Atlas,/Leo Giamani?etc.- yes this includes you among many others!) Money has NOTHING to do with it!. Speaking for myself, I would not have sex with a woman for all the money/treasures/kingdoms on earth!!!! Just to be clear, I wouldn’t do so even if GOD Himself “ordered” me to do so! Hopefully, everyone knows where I stand on this. LOL

    I have an issue with of these “straight” guys in gay porn. Yeah, yeah, I know, the porn industry is a business and it’s all about the money. I get it. However, there is no shortage of very hot gay men that could be in GAY porn! Straight folks need to remember that, much to their chagrin, AIDS hasn’t killed all of us We are legion and we are everywhere!

    Now, my rant on Jake Cruise. While I applaud his taste in men, I despise him for betraying the gay community by bringing in of these fucking “straight/gay4pay” motherfuckers! (Zeb Atlas, Leo Giamani, Bo Dean, yada, yada, yada…) For the record, I contacted Jake Cruise wanting to be a model for him but was unceremoniously rejected because I wasn’t “hot” enough for his liking! Rejection does wonders for a person’s self esteem! I’d write more but being in a rage is quite exhausting.

    Anyway Sammy, keep doing what you’re doing and may GOD bless you!

    Love,
    Leo Seguin

  27. Me says:

    I have to say I just fucking love you.

    Can we fuck?

    But seriously, I feel like when I read your blog, you’re talking. I hear your voice. I just love how you still write in this and keep us updated. You are a great man. Even though I kinda wish you had a bf/gf, I completely respect your view. I also respect how candid and open you are with your fans. Keep it up 🙂 I know I will 😉

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